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Mysterious Purple Ooze Covers Home

Sun, 11 Jun 2017 03:02:24 GMT

[PP]- For Andrea Sharpe, Wednesday was going to be like any other day. However, once she started getting out of bed, she was not quite sure what to think. She found that her house was lined inside and out with a purple substance. "I got up out of...


Woman's Bad Breath Kills Seven on Tourist Train

Mon, 26 Jun 2017 18:20:44 GMT

A Denver woman accidentally killed seven fellow passengers with her bad breath while aboard a popular sightseeing train ride on the border of New Mexico and Colorado. Passengers on the J&O Tours train started screaming and passing out when Thi...


Should Mermaids Make More Money Than Mermen?

Sun, 11 Jun 2017 20:09:32 GMT

"Absolutely not," said one merman. "I mean, mermaids are a dime a dozen, not rare or unique at all, so they just deserve a standard rate, right?" He continued, "Mermen, on the other hand, are unique and rare, and deserve to be paid premium rates."...


The Zendora Continent of Planet Zigora struggles to reduce racism

Tue, 04 Jul 2017 17:21:00 GMT

Zendora has always been a rather temperate continent on Planet Zigora, with rather peaceful peoples. Over the years, it has become more of a diverse melting pot of cultures. In recent years, sadly, the various cultures have began to clash. For ins...


Purple Ooze May Be Edible

Sun, 11 Jun 2017 17:04:37 GMT

[PP] -- The purple substance that Andrea Sharpe found in and around her home may actually be edible. Several persons allegedly ingested the substance with no ill effects. One of those is a 9-year-old whose name being withheld due to his age.


Quit Picking On Trump And Trump's Tweets

Fri, 30 Jun 2017 00:07:31 GMT

The nation should just plain quit picking on Trump and his tweets! For heaven's sakes! Grow up! What happened to freedom of the press? Doesn't Trump have a right to an opinion? Just because T was allegedly elected to the highest office in the wor...


"Gold Pooter" Features Halle Barry as First Female Bond

Tue, 18 Jul 2017 18:26:11 GMT

"The name's Bond--Jamirah Bond." You've read that right, the next 007 to hit the big screens in Gold Pooter is a female. Adding to the shock of the new female Bond is the fact that American actor Halle Barry will play the lead role. Bond fan...


Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol

Tue, 13 Jun 2017 23:44:46 GMT

Schmidt & Weissen, a major gun manufacturer in the US, is developing a bidirectional pistol. Paul Gant of Schmidt & Weissen says, "This is the only gun I'd recommend to scumbags and known gang members." The police have mixed feelings about...


Trump Seeks Help From George Costanza On How To Lie Better

Sat, 10 Jun 2017 20:51:30 GMT

It's been revealed that President Trump's skill at lying (oh, excuse me, -- alternative facts) can be traced back to the secret hiring of the little-known position of Secretary of Not-Lies. The man that has accepted the position is a resident of...


An Unassuming Proposition: Teach Gangs to Shoot Straight

Mon, 12 Jun 2017 02:07:20 GMT

The near-fatal shooting of a small child in Compton last week, hit by a stray bullet intended for someone else, was only the most recent in a long list of similar unintentional shootings of innocent victims. This nation has had more than enough fune...


Man Maimed and Blinded For Online Bullying

Sat, 10 Jun 2017 00:30:15 GMT

Spotian County -- Doug Smith won't have to worry anymore about harassing anyone online as someone permanently cured him of that character flaw. According to the police, Smith regularly harassed and bullied people online. He accused them of being othe...


Dook University Develops Prescription Cigarette

Sat, 10 Jun 2017 01:58:37 GMT

Durham, NC [PP] -- On Monday, Dook University released what may be a first for modern science, a therapeutic cigarette which very well could cure some forms of cancer. Dr. Ralph Jones, director of research says, "This is groundbreaking research, t...


Police, Rescue Respond to Unusual Kidnapping

Sun, 11 Jun 2017 16:53:57 GMT

Denver, CO [PP] -- Police and paramedics responded to what had to be their most unusual kidnapping case. A man who had not opened his refrigerator door in more than two years had the shock of his life. When he finally got around to opening the refrig...


Staten Island's New Kids Show Korean War Veterans Parkway Responds to Criticism; Adds More Diverse Characters To The Cast

Wed, 19 Jul 2017 00:58:46 GMT

PLEASANT PLAINS - Staten Island's favorite Muppets are coming back for a fourteenth season this September, and they're bringing some new faces to their cast. In recent years, Korean War Veterans Parkway, the Sesame Street edition broadcast in Sta...


Trump:  "He's a leaker and a freaker and a bathroom peeker!"

Sat, 10 Jun 2017 18:47:41 GMT

In a tweet last night and again this morning in a written statement President Donald Trump called former FBI director James Comey... "a leaker and a freaker and a bathroom peeker!"    Trump went on to say in his written statement that it was a mat...


Is prostitution natural?

Sat, 10 Jun 2017 04:14:51 GMT

Not that many people dream of becoming prostitutes. People don't have a favorable attitude of the worlds oldest profession. Many countries ban the act while others allow it in specific locations or only under certain circumstance. Is prostitution...


Jacko and I try to give Bill Cosby a hand at coming up with some stand-up material

Wed, 19 Jul 2017 02:50:34 GMT

Bill Cosby showed up at my humble abode the other day and asked me if I'd help him put together a stand-up routine. He said no TV stations were calling him for a new sit-com about being the perfect father. And he bemoaned the fact that no companies w...


Study: Winners of Arguments Do Not Hate to Say 'I Told You So.'

Wed, 05 Jul 2017 19:34:28 GMT

Apparently, when people prove themselves correct over others, they often enjoy gloating for a moment, using sarcasm. According to new research, four out of five people who win an argument will use the addage, "I hate to say I told you so, but I told...


Police baffled at the occurrence of spots all over town

Fri, 09 Jun 2017 22:46:32 GMT

Squaresville police are trying to figure out the meaning of what looks like a new form of vandalism throughout their town. Nearly everything is getting covered with spots. This was first discovered when police officers started getting calls about the...


Governor Christie awakes 200 pounds lighter!

Thu, 08 Jun 2017 23:56:21 GMT

Historically obese New Jersey governor Chris Christie awoke hungover and significantly lighter! The now surprisingly normal sized Christie came to in an Atlantic City hotel and was astounded to find himself having lost 200 pounds or roughly 350 Big M...


After failure of TrumpNoCare.com™ a presidential order to make pregnant democrats ineligble for health cover signed

Tue, 18 Jul 2017 12:44:22 GMT

After the outrageous insult to our great magnificent, all knowing, benevolent, spiritually enlightened, marvelous President by the non-conforming Republican Senators Trump.com™ has vowed to destroy healthcare for democrat women as revenge. W...


Can the Internet Cause Hip Problems?

Sun, 11 Jun 2017 21:48:21 GMT

Winston-Salem, NC [PP] -- Doctors at Wake Forest Medical Center are perplexed at a sudden increase of problems in patients buttocks. They blame the Internet for the cause, based on the reports of some patients. "I was just laughing away while mess...


US Government Funds Online Trolls?

Sun, 11 Jun 2017 03:23:04 GMT

Many folks these days are familiar with the term "troll" in reference to persons who post inflammatory messages online. However, it seems that now, some people are being paid to do just that. In a Republican led move for Social Security reform, ma...


Frozen shampoo injures child

Fri, 09 Jun 2017 23:15:39 GMT

Like many young Disney fans, Tiffany Johnson begged her mother to get her the shampoo with Anna and Queen Elsa on the bottle. However, things did not go as expected. First the mother and daughter had difficulty getting the product out of the bott...


Radical process will restore the coal industry to its glory days

Sun, 11 Jun 2017 12:26:01 GMT

Osucit, Japan - Ken Assosuka of the Osucit Power and Light Company held a press conference today to reveal a new process for burning coal that reduces CO2 emissions to zero. The new process captures the CO2 and uses it to carbonate saki, orange juic...


Nancy Pelosi Diagnosed With Terminal Persimmon Winter-Kill Syndrome

Tue, 18 Jul 2017 22:48:16 GMT

BILLINGSGATE POST: In an interview this morning on MSNBC, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi referred to President Bush three different times in a rambling, incoherent discussion regarding the failure of the Administration to repeal or change ObamaCa...


Girl born with purple skin

Sat, 10 Jun 2017 10:54:04 GMT

[PP] -- Doctors at Regional Hospital are baffled at the birth of an infant with purple skin and green hair. Neither of her parents have such features. According to pediatrician, Dr. Tanya Morgan, the baby seems to be completely healthy, despite he...


Syrian woman in deep trouble with no future

Tue, 18 Jul 2017 23:22:01 GMT

Damascus, Syria-- Police in Southern Syria have arrested a young woman who mistakenly forgot her Burka in the toilet during a number two. Her ugly face sparked outrage from people when a foreign photographer snapped a picture of her and informed...